A side-story/prequel to Hikikomori.

“There’s a monster under my bed.”

Haruhi Mori looked into the serious face of her six year old daughter and tried not to smile. An active imagination was important for children to have (so all her parenting books had told her), and laughter would only discourage her from cultivating it.

She stopped packing and sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling Kiko onto her lap. “Oh no! What does it look like?” Ask for details, the books had said. Encourage them to describe their experiences.

Kiko snuggled close on her lap. “It’s big,” she said. “Bigger than a whole building!”

Haruhi couldn’t resist a little chuckle. “How does it fit under your bed?”

Kiko looked at her as though she couldn’t believe how stupid her own mother was. “It’s a monster.” As though that answered everything.

“Okay, so it’s a big monster. What kind of monster?”

“Big!” Kiko scowled.

“Does it look like a bear?” Haruhi asked, and her daughter heaved a long suffering sigh.

“No,” she said. “It’s a dog. With big teeth! You can’t go.”

Ah. There was the reason. Haruhi cuddled her daughter closer. “It’s only for a night. I’ll be back before bedtime tomorrow.”

“BUT IT WILL EAT ME!” the little girl wailed.

“No it won’t!” Haruhi tried to reassure her daughter, but Kiko wasn’t listening. She kicked her legs and chanted “It will it will it will it will!” Haruhi struggled to hold her daughter still.

“I won’t let it,” she reassured the little girl. “I’m going to go banish it right now. Come on.”

She picked Kiko up, grunting a little as the girl suddenly began dead weight in her arms, and carried her to her bedroom across the hall. When she tried to set her down, Kiko abruptly wrapped her arms around her neck.

“Kiki-bird, you have to let me go if I’m going to get rid of the monster.”

“It’ll eat you!” Kiko protested.

“No it won’t,” her mother said. “Don’t you know? Monsters can’t digest mommies.” After a great deal of struggle, she settled the child on her chair and went to her knees. “Now, where is that monster.” She looked under the bed. “Oh my goodness! It really IS as big as a house! It’s a good thing I have special magic Mommy powers.” She sat down, crossing her legs, and made a hand gesture that she vaguely remembered her Shinto grandmother making. It looked mystical, at least. “Monster monster under the bed. Heed the words this mama said. Kiko’s bed is hers alone. Monster monster, go on home!” Not bad, she congratulated herself, and turned to smile at her daughter. “There. No more monster.”

Kiko kicked her legs. “What if it comes back tonight?” she asked.

“It won’t,” Haruhi promised.

“But what if it does?” Kiko insisted.

Haruhi picked her daughter up again. “Then hide under the covers. Monsters can’t hurt you if you’re under the covers. Now. Why don’t you come with me and help me pack my bag?”

---------

As he pulled up in front of the hospital, Kyou did his best to hide his exhaustion and put on his game face. Haruhi stood outside the front door, shivering in her thick down jacket.

“Why didn’t you wait inside?” he scolded as she slid into the passenger’s seat. “It’s freezing out here.”

“I wanted to see when you got here,” his wife said. “How’s Kiko?”

He groaned and rested his head on the steering wheel.

“That bad?” she asked sympathetically.

“I almost called you a cab,” he admitted. “I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night. She wouldn’t go to bed. Said there was a monster and only you knew how to make it go away.”

“I guess the one under the bed had friends.” As Kyou rolled his eyes, she added: “I know. She was just trying to keep me from leaving.”

He shook his head and finally pulled out of the hospital driveway. “I tried to tell her monsters weren’t real, but she kept sneaking back into our bedroom.”

“You can’t reason with a six year old,” Haruhi said. “Why didn’t you let her stay?”

“She’s got to learn the difference between fantasy and reality,” Kyou said firmly. “And she can’t lie to get what she wants.”

“She’s scared,” Haruhi said.

So am I. An awkward silence fell as they both hesitated to confront the elephant in the car.

Kyou slowed to a stop as a traffic light turned red. “What did the doctor say?” He flexed his hands, trying not to hold the wheel too tightly.

It took Haruhi too long to answer. Kyou didn’t notice the light turn green until the car behind him honked. “I’m not responding as well as he would like,” she said.

“What does that mean?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she said. “We’re just going to try another set of medications. It’ll be fine.”

“Do you want to stop by the pharmacy?” Kyou asked.

“Already picked them up,” Haruhi said, rattling her purse.

Kyou sighed. “What are we going to tell Kiko?”

“Nothing,” Haruhi said sharply.

He glanced over at his wife. “We can’t keep hiding this from her.”

“Of course we can!” Haruhi said. “She’s six years old. She won’t understand any of it. I don’t want to push this on her before she’s ready.”

He was clearly unconvinced. She reached out and squeezed his knee. “It will be fine,” she said. “The doctor has high hopes for this new course of treatment. Don’t give up on me yet.”

He wasn’t giving up on her. It wasn’t giving up, being honest with their daughter. It wasn’t giving up, preparing her for the years ahead. As much as any of them could be prepared.

But he didn’t want to fight Haruhi on this. They were both too tired.

“I hope you’re in the mood for chicken,” he said lightly, changing the subject. “I told Anne to take Kiko out and get KFC.”

“Sounds good,” Haruhi said, leaning her head against the headrest. The rest of the drive home was spent in silence, until they pulled into the driveway and Kiko burst out of the front door, shouting “MOMMY! MOMMY!”

---------

Things were supposed to be better now that Mommy was home. Daddy didn’t think the monsters were real, but Mommy did. Mommy had known about the blanket; she would be able to make them go away.

There were lots of them now, more than she could count on her fingers and toes. And they weren’t just under her bed, or hiding in the corners of the closet. They were all over the house, keeping to the shadows where even Mommy couldn’t see them unless she pointed them out. No matter how many times Mommy cast the spell that sent them away, they always came back. Each time sooner than the last.

“Say it like you mean it!” she said, tugging insistently on her mother’s sleeve as her spell failed to make the monsters leave.

Her mother sighed heavily. “Kiki-bird, they’re not going to hurt you,” she said. “Just ignore them.”

Ignore them? How was she supposed to ignore them? They were everywhere! But no matter how she insisted, her mother wouldn’t say the spell any more. Her parents happily watched tv while an ocean of glowing red eyes stared at Kiko. In the end, she settled for wrapping herself from head to toe in a blanket and burrowing into her mommy’s side. Her mother didn’t understand. As soon as they were able, they were going to eat her.

Maybe that’s what Mommy wanted to happen. It was a sudden, terrifying thought that Kiko couldn’t dislodge. Maybe her mother had found a new family, with a little girl that she liked better. And that’s why she went away last night, to go see them. It would be easier for her if the monsters did eat Kiko, then she could go be with them with nothing holding her back. Maybe next time she left, she wouldn’t come back again.

Her mother wrapped an arm around her, but Kiko could tell her heart wasn’t in it. She cared more about what was happening on the tv. It was just a token gesture. Kiko did her best not to cry. Her father hated tears, and she didn’t want him to get angry and go with Mommy to their new family.

He must have heard something, though, because he stood and picked her up. “All right, Kiki-bird, time to go to bed.”

“NOOOOOOO!!!” she screamed, kicking her legs.

“Yes,” he said, holding her firmly.

“Aren’t you feeling tired?” her mother asked.

“No!” Kiko said firmly, though she really wanted nothing more than to fall asleep. But if she fell asleep now, the monsters would eat her and her parents would go live with their new family. She couldn’t let that happen.

“I think you are,” Mommy said. “Come on. Daddy and I will read you a bedtime story.”

“I don’t want a bedtime story!” Kiko insisted, but neither of her parents listened. She struggled to get out of her father’s grasp as he carried her up the stairs until she saw the monsters waiting for her on the floor. She quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and refused to let go, even when he settled her down on the bed. Her mother leaned against the doorway, watching them, but Kiko could tell her mind was somewhere else. With someone else.

A sob forced its way out of her throat. She tried her best to hold it in, really she did, but then the monsters started moving closer and she howled. She wanted her mother to come running and sweep her up into her arms, but she didn’t. She just rubbed her head like she was angry. And instead of comforting her, Daddy was looking at Mommy.

“Are you all right?” he asked, as though Kiko didn’t exist.

“I’m fine,” Mommy said. “Kiko, please stop crying.”

She was angry. Kiko gulped down a sob, only marginally comforted as Daddy stroked her hair. He still wasn’t looking at her.

“I think you should lie down,” he said, sounding scared. He turned and kissed Kiko on top of her head. “Snuggle up under your covers. I’m going to put Mommy to bed -“

“Kyou -“ Mommy groaned.

“- And when she’s all tucked in, I’ll read you a bedtime story, okay?” he finished.

“Why can’t Mommy read me the story?” Kiko asked.

“Mommy has a headache,” her mother said. “I’ll read you a story tomorrow night, okay?”

It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t at all okay, but she couldn’t say anything because they had already left. And she knew then that her parents did want the monsters to eat her, because her dad flicked off the lights and everybody knew the monsters were strongest in the dark. She quickly huddled under her blankets, making sure every inch of her body was covered, and that was she centered on the bed, far away from the vulnerable edges. It was hot under the blankets, almost too hot to breathe, but she didn’t dare make any opening to allow air in, for fear that a monster would find its way in too.

Only when she was wrapped up to her satisfaction did she let herself cry again, as softly as she possibly could so that her mother couldn’t hear. She needed to make sure Mommy had no reason to go running to that other family. She had to be a good girl. Good girls didn’t cry.

Daddy didn’t come back. Very faintly, she could hear him talking to Mommy from their bedroom. She couldn’t hear the words, but neither of them sounded happy. She ended up telling herself a bedtime story, about a princess trapped in a tower with a dragon. She drifted off to sleep before the prince could come rescue her.

---------

Long after her tears had turned into whispers had turned into the soft, heavy breathing of sleep, the shadows moved. A large, dog-like creature with sharp teeth and glowing eyes quietly pawed to the bed and, very carefully, sniffed at the blanket. Then it took a corner of the cover into its mouth and tugged gently, creating a small gap where air could get through.

Then it settled on the floor beside the bed and kept watch.





Hikikomori by Katie Nolan is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
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